Author’s notes: It has come to my attention that because of my Hitler story, everyone is telling me to write about Josef Stalin now. I’m sorry to disappoint you all but I don’t think I can do that. You see, Josef Stalin does not have a rectangular mustache which makes him extremely difficult to write about. It is sad to say, but Stalin’s lack of a weird mustache automatically makes him a bad leader and therefore a man of boredom. Hmm, I might write about him in the future though…


Warning: This story is not for the faint-hearted

Adam and Eve?
Anyway, I’m going to start my post with a show-n-tell session. It is said that God created the first two humans: Adam and Eve. These two humans are therefore titled our primary ancestors. However, this is a very controversial topic. Why were their names (A)dam and (E)ve? What happened to letters B, C and D? What about Arceus, the creator of all Pokemon? Where does Hitler come in? All these questions and more will be answered in the next paragraph.
Satan
Some of you might be wondering ‘How does he know the answer to these things?’ To explain this, I will first share with you a short story. Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived an African boy. This African boy was forced into bonded labour by his parents as their family was very poor. One day, the African boy realised his master was not around. He then panicked. However, he managed to calm himself down and think the situation through. With quick wits, the poor bonded labourer took out his iPhone and dialled ‘999’ for advice. Little did he know that what he dialled wasn’t ‘999’. Because of the intelligence of the smart phone, the boy had actually been tricked into dialling ‘666’ instead.
“I seek advice.” the boy said.
However, his words were distorted due to the poor reception from Earth to Hell and partly because Satan was using the Sony Ericsson W590i handphone (which sucks). As a result, Lucifer had actually misinterpreted his question and thought that he was asking ‘What happened to Adam?’ The devil then proceeded to explain the story…
With advancements in technology, (and a lot of free time because of my 6 day holiday) I have actually managed to decipher this lost message. Therefore, I now know what happened in the past.
Author’s notes: Yeah, I lied about the questions being answered in the next paragraph, but at least I answered the ‘more’ part. The answers will be found in the rest of the story.
The First Bigender and its Deformation

Satan had explained that the story of Adam and Eve was actually a serious misinterpretation of his unholy bible. In fact, Adam and Eve did not even exist. The truth is that God only created (A)rceus in the beginning. Arceus, with its bigender characteristic, had reproduced with itself creating everything in this world. However, God actually had some spare parts left after he created Arceus and he decided that it was not a good idea to waste his toys. Therefore he pieced the spare parts together to create a genetically deformed clone of Arceus- the (E)mo.
Revelation of the Lost ‘C’ and ‘D’

Arceus and Emo, both being created by God, then became siblings. Of course, their ‘natural’ relationship also meant a natural sibling rivalry. They competed with each other for the title of God’s pet through various methods. The method which most prominently affected the course of history was the reproduction of talented individuals. They knew God was in need of talented pawns at that time as the heavens were in a knowledge-based economy and had to attract foreign talent. With this knowledge in mind, they competed with each other to reproduce talented individuals to gain God’s favour.

Arceus believed that quantity beats quality and mass produced the first generation of Pokémon with that idealism. However, Emo believed that quality beats quantity and spent his entire life working on a single masterpiece.
This reproductive competition continued for a hundred years before Arceus and Emo became old and withered. That was when they realised they had to choose their successors. Arceus chose Mew as its successor while Emo cloned another Emo to take its place. However, Mew and Emo did not have the power to reproduce as they were not bigender like their ancestors. To make things worse, Emo was alone.
Mew solved this problem by commanding its fellow Pokémon to pass on its will. This group of Pokémons will later be known as the (C)ommewnist. On the other hand, Emo did not have such luck; Emo did not have any friends to help him in his quest. However, he managed to solve this problem by cloning himself with his ancestor’s knowledge of cloning (which is sort of pathetic, but at least it works). Emo and his clones will come to be known as the (D)emocratic.
Foreign Intervention- The Birth of ‘A’

The Commewnists believed that the world should follow their idealism: Everyone in this world are equals and everyone should share whatever wealth they have. This meant that the rich had to give up their wealth to the poor which also means that Commewnism symbolises Poor>Rich in terms of mathematical equations.
The Democratics, however, believed that every man should have equal rights and that people should be rewarded for their hard work which means that talented individuals deserve to be richer than talentless Pokémons. Therefore Democracy means Rich>Poor in mathematical terms.
God then became worried over his children’s squabble. This was because the heaven was already moving into a Pokémon-based economy and he no longer needed any talented individuals. (Apparently a lot of Pokémons have died over 100 years and the heaven was already heavily populated with Pokémons). In an attempt to stop the inevitable war between Commewnism and Democracy, God then dug out all his spare toys to create the next generation of Alpha-Humans. Within seconds, his creation was complete. He then sent the new Alpha-Human to Earth to intervene and hopefully stop the war between the two political giants. This new Alpha-Human’s name was (A)dolescence Killer (with reference to my post in 17th Sep 2009).

Nazism
Adolescence Killer brought along with him a new political idealism known as Nazism. Nazism was God’s idea of a new form of politics which combined Commewnism and Democracy. Nazism was the belief that love makes war. This meant that Nazism is bad for both the rich and the poor, hence flawlessly combining both Commewnism and Democracy.
With a third party established, Earth was on the verge of war. This was God’s golden ticket to becoming an award-winning director of a live documentary movie starring the Pokémons, the Emos and the Nazis. This documentary would have a repeat telecast on Earth in the future titled ‘World War 3‘. Be sure to catch it!

The Mystery of the ‘B’

Without warning, the inevitable occurred. Commewnism and Democracy engaged each other in an all out war. The Commewnists were armed with the new ‘Human Rights Critic’ weapon that they have developed specifically to counter the Democracy’s clones. On the other hand, the Democracies stocked up on Masterballs to detain the Commewnist’s Pokémons. With an exchange of ball throwing and complaints of ethical issues, the Political War started. However, neither of the two parties could have expected what happened next- the Nazis joined the fray. With a flashy display of power, the Nazis intervened by releasing their secret weapon- the Green (B)unnies. As the dust settles and the fighting came to a stop, it became apparent that the Commewnists and the Democracies have lost the war. However, what was most surprising was that the Nazis, too, were nowhere to be seen. All that was left were the Green Bunnies which populated the world. This is also the reason why we now see a green Earth from any satellite.

Let us give it up to the Green Bunnies for coming out victorious in the Political War.
(Nazi Salute)