The Haze and Obama

It has come to my attention that the haze in Singapore has been terrible these days. Some of you might be wondering about the origins of this haze. Rumours has it that this haze is actually the result of the excessive air pollution caused by the Bhuddists burning fuel in the form of paper, signalling the end of the 7th month. Others say the haze is the after effect of the Indonesian higher-ups burning their plants as a form of fireworks to show off their wealth. A third group of people believe that it is because of Global Warming. For those of you who do not know, Global Warming is actually a myth that the World is coming to an end. This belief originally started because a few cave men accidentally started a forest fire when they tried cooking stew with a bunsen burner. These cave men had no linguistic ability back then. However, in their panic, they started running around in circles screaming ‘Global Warming’ when they realised their stew was overcooked because of the forest fire and they understood that they had to go without stew for the day. Hence the term ‘Global Warming’.

In case you haven’t already realised, all three of these rumours involve the abuse of trees. This leads us to conclude that all of these rumours are fake. Unfortunately, this revelation puts us in an awkward position as we now have no leads as to the cause of the haze. This is where I come in-I’m here to explain the undeniable truth that the haze is the result of Barrack Obama’s Health Reform policies.
The Humble Beginnings of Evil
To explain this revolutionary proposal, we will first revisit one of Barrack Obama’s propaganda campaigns.
‘Pathetically feeble are the Americans. Health reforms is a must!’ Barrack Obama explained. [Take note that all 'charismatic' speakers deliver their speeches in a passive voice (with reference to my post about Hitler on 17th Sep 2009)]
This time however, the strong Americans will not be fooled. The crowd then attempted to scare Obama off the stage by mimicking the signature mono-syllabus noise that rowdy, uneducated children produce when their parents give them a sports car instead of the bar of chocolate they wanted. ‘Boo… Boo…‘ the crowd moaned.
Obama, being an experienced politician, understood the ‘boo-ing’ noise was actually also the word ghosts use to communicate with humans. He therefore did the wisest thing any good president would do in such a predicament- Barrack Obama pissed in his pants in anticipation of an upcoming appearance of a ghost.
Though such a political action would have originally eased the tension in the hall, this time, unfortunately, it has also resulted in evil in the form of haze in the Asia-Pacific.
The Legendary Birds

Obama was successful. The crowd burst into an uproar of laughter which lightened the tension in the hall tremendously. However, this sudden burst of laughter had caused a sound wave of epic proportions. The sound wave travelled far and wide, finally reaching the lair of one of the most terrifying monsters in this world- the nest of Moltres. The sound wave had actually rubbed against the walls of Moltres’ home and caused friction. Though this friction might seem unrelated to the story, it had actually produced additional heat in his home. This additional heat had actually raised the the temperature of Moltres’ lair by 100 x 10-100 °C which gave Moltres an additional boost of fire power.
This disrupted the balance of power between the Three Legendary Birds, Zapdos, Articuno and Moltres. Zapdos and Articuno, sensing that Moltres was getting too powerful, then formed an alliance which they called ‘The Allied Axis’ and ganged up against Moltres who had recently become 100 x 10-100 °C stronger because of Obama‘s political mistake.
Zapdos has been using thunder (and rain dance to amplify his thunder) to combat Moltres while Articuno has been using haze to back Zapdos up. This has therefore resulted in haze as well as severe thunderstorms and rain in Singapore.
Reflections

Sadly, the battle between the Legendary Birds are still ongoing. It is no use blaming Obama’s blunder for this war. We can only pray that all of them faints at the same time so that the world will be at peace again.
~World Peace!