Definition
Bullying; the latent ability that everybody has within them to intimidate another being.

Types of bullying
The act of bullying comes in many forms, the most common being:

Physical bullying- The most common form of bullying. An average bully usually use this to make up for their lack of IQ.
Consists of mainly wedgies and slightly modified versions such as atomic wedgies, molecular wedgies and more recently, the microscopic wedgies. (ouch!)

Cyber bullying- The nerd’s version of bullying. Nerds use the Internet as a form of stress relief after being physically bullied in school. It is commonly utilised by nerds who lack both physical and intellectual strength because cyber bullying requires neither.
Consists mostly of broken dialogues such as ‘Come lah, scared is it?’ when nerds lose in a dota game. Sometimes even seen spouting random street gang’s names in hopes of scaring off unsuspecting physical bullies who dare step into their forte.

Gothic bullying- The solution to the war between retro bullies and cyber nerds. Gothic bullying is said to be the unholy neutral party that allows the two to achieve a balance of power and to prevent the world from falling into chaos. Their true front, however, is slightly different. The Goths use this as means of spreading their influence to fallen bullies and nerds.
It is mainly carried out by people dressed like the Grim Reaper lurking around the horrifying battlefield looking for weeping bullies at the corner of a LAN shop and nerds who have their undies stuck to their heads. With a bucket of blood on one hand and a kitchen knife on the other, they would say “Come to the dark side, we have blood.” Unsurprisingly, the fallen losers all felt inclined to join the Goths.

Origins
It is generally accepted that bullying originated, like all things evil, from Emos. The Emos started the bullying trend to attract more people to join their ranks. A viable business tactic that is amazingly successful. The bullied usually seclude themselves for a day or two without food or drinks and usually coming out with numerous red lines of Emo-hood on their wrists- the proof of a successful business plan.

Be Bullied
Getting bullied is easy! Take it from a nerd: “I was once an average, physically-impaired computer geek but after attending high school, my life changed. I didn’t have to do anything to earn the attention of the bullies. It was almost as if it came naturally.”
Natural indeed: Nerds attract bullies like how Barrack Obama attracts racism.

Unfortunately, not everyone has the natural ability to attract bullies like the nerd. To help this less privileged group of people, I’ll dedicate this guide to increase your chances of getting bullied.

Just remember NERD

Name- Having a good name is a very important leverage to getting bullied. It is not necessary to legally change your name to be bullied. Just tell your friends to call you a different name. Names like Michael Jackson work better for guys while Britney Spears work well for girls. Bisexuals do not have to worry about this point because the title of bisexual is good enough already. The trick is to find a name that is easy to make fun of.

Eradicate your friends- Friends are not needed in the world of the bullied. In fact, friends are actually hindering your progress to getting bullied. Bullies usually hunt solo and are afraid to approach a large group of prey. (Some people like to call that a self esteem issue but that has not been scientifically proven yet) Being alone will significantly increase your chances of achieving enlightenment.

Rise up to the occasion- Take advantage of every opportunity to show the bullies how pathetic you really are. Fail Physical Education classes; Be every teachers’ pet; Come late for school and cry; Wear your undies on the outside. Be creative!
If that doesn’t work, throw in additional incentives. Flaunting your daily allowance to the school is more useful than you think.

Deliver yourself to the bullies- If the bullies don’t come to you, you should go to them. It is only polite for you to approach people to ask for their humble services. Bullies aren’t very hard to find. Just follow the symphony of other screaming nerds.