What Makes a Musical Artist?

Many people have been wondering whether they’ll do well in the musical career. To help them in their quest to attain this knowledge, I have compiled a list of useful information about existing musical artists.

Talent

Contrary to popular belief, talent for singing, or any talent at all for that matter, is not needed to become a pop star. What is needed, however, is to be sponsored by Disney. Recording studios; audio editing; live-music syncing; bribery; Disney has everything needed to build up anybody without a talent for music. It is no wonder many young, inspiring artists turn to Disney to transform them from loser to pop star.
It is a fairly quick yet effective process: Sign a contract with Disney channel to guarantee your slavery for a number of years and you will magically become a pop star. Some of this experimental success include the likes of Zac Effron, Miley Cirus and Vanessa En Hudgens.

Looks

One of the most important aspects needed to be sponsored by Disney and also to maintain publicity. Getting a nose job, bleaching skin, getting a boob job are some of the things pop stars do to makes them feel better about their mediocre looks.
Although most of these acts of defiance against nature usually end in utter failure, it actually places public scrutiny on a pop star’s views on ‘what God has given us’. Just look at people like Michael Jackson. Before: Black, ugly. After: White, repulsive. However, this controversial topic adds to a pop-star’s popularity. This brings us to our next point.

Popularity

Pop stars are masters of this trade. They have many means of gaining popularity other than the above mentioned act of customising Mother Nature. There is a growing misconception that pop stars are popular because of their music. This is not true. Pop stars in fact gain their popularity through sex scandals and posing nude on any magazine that would pay them. It is a general rule to get into the minds of lecherous men before releasing your album.
People like Janet Jackson, Britney Spears and Vanessa En Hudgens are hardcore followers of this rule and appear ridiculously successful.

Money

Money is an important aspect for any musical artists. Every rapper needs money to support their manufacture of drugs, rapid consumption of drugs, trafficking of drugs as well as to bribe the police when they are caught trafficking drugs. In early stages of their career, this is mostly done through self-abuse and collecting insurance money. (Many people believe this is what influenced movies such as ‘Saw’) However, as their careers progress, these business minded artists stoop to lower means such as ‘singing for children’ and helping other young ‘artists’. Examples of this include big names such as 50cent and Timbaland. It is for this reason they are still not in jail and 50cent is now bankrupt.

Religion

Hidden from the eyes of the public, religion is actually what makes or breaks a good musical artist. It is believed that to be a good rock star, you have to believe in Satanism. Many rock bands pray to the devil when they show the ‘devil’s horns’ during live stage performances and therefore corrupting innocent young minds to believe in Satanism. Other religions that greatly affected the success of other musical artists include ‘Goth’ and ‘Punk’. Both of which are now near extinct but terrifying nevertheless. Be prepared to join the sadistic notion if you ever want to become a musical artist.