Tonight's dinner is on you

Cannibalism is the act or practice of humans eating the flesh of other humans.

The reasons for cannibalism include the following:

• As sanctioned by a cultural norm
• By necessity in extreme situations of famine.
• Caused by insanity or social deviancy.
• A cheap and effective form of transportation.
• To gain another’s ability/skills.
• We are just too damn delicious.

There are fundamentally two kinds of cannibalistic social behavior; vitacannibalism (eating someone alive) and necrocannibalism (eating dead humans).

Vitacannibalism

The orgins of vitacannibalism is unclear but cannibalism only became phenomenally popular during 1939 (when all bad things originate) when a tribe of bushman wanted to migrate to USA but they had only 1 boat ticket. Thus the chieftian of that tribe ate his entire tribe and when he got over to USA he vomited them out again. It was the 1st recorded incident of vitacannibalism.

Word of the tribe got around and prisoners start using the similar methods to escape from jail by slipping into the food of inmates who are about to be released. Some inside source claims this was the method alleged terrorist Mas Selamat used to escape from confinement.

Necrocannibalism

Necrocannibalism has been around since the begining of man. Our prehistoric fathers tend to kill and eat each other up when they ran out of food and could not hunt for more because they found out a sabretooth tiger is sleeping at the entrance of their cave.

Present day cannibalism is practiced as eating another human being can lead to gaining the victims’ experince and skills. Thus eating a nerdy or intelligent friend can easily benefit you during that upcoming Physics exam. One can also completely eliminate the tedium of learning a trade simply by eating their mentor. Superman is believed to have eaten Attila the Hun, Chuck Norris and Da Vinci thus giving him his super powers.

Some peoeple prefer eat babies but please be warned that it is not healthy for you. Babies contains nearly no nutrients but only an over-abundance of sugar, kryptonite and argon. Not only does it not benefits you in anyway, consuming babies has been linked to causing your skin to glow in the dark. Much to the annoyance of ninjas who like snacking on babies.

Where To Get Your Human

Fortunately, humans are very abundant and they are stacked in apartments like groceries in the pantry. If you have trouble catching a human for your nutritious needs. You can buy a copy of ’847664 Ways To Catch your Human Prey’ book by Avery Sim. Feedback from fellow cannibals proclaim that the book was extremely useful, not because of the infomation contained within the book, but because the book is extremely heavy, weighing 4 tons. Dropping it from the 10th story on a unsuspecting human guarantees a fresh dinner.

If you are really lazy you could always order prostitutes but some people dislike its spicy taste. Even so, prostitutes are a popular choice among cannibals as they deliver themself to you and they have succulent chest meat. It is estimated that by the year 2012 all prostitutes will have been eaten. Livestock conservatives are currently gathering to find a solution to this serious issue.

Retarded Incest Kids are the easiest type of human prey as they tend to move and react much slower then the average human due to their low intelligence. But it is advised against over consumption of RIK as one might have an erection from looking at their own moms.

Post by Avery