The diabolical disguise of a Ninja

Ninjas were first spotted in Japan in the year 1999 taking up the innocent façade of Naruto. Since then, Ninjas have been the cause of minor crimes such as the disappearance of babies, cancer. Barrack Obama’s presidency, and cannibalism.

Ninjas are known to have awesome skills catered for assassination such as their ability to use the nanchucks, shuriken throwing, radioactivity and flying. However, their most amazing yet inconspicuous skill is their ability to remain invisible indefinitely.

Note: The facts in this post only applies to Ninjas in general.

Assassination

Contrary to popular belief, ninjas do not assassinate for money. Rather, they assassinate to attract more fans on YouTube.

Ninjas typically assassinate by slitting throats with knives or by emitting noises loud enough to kill anybody in silence (Yes, they can do that because they are just that awesome). However, assassinations on YouTube are usually conducted by Bushido, the ‘Way of the Warrior’, in which Ninjas defy the law of nature by committing seppuku on their victims.

Dress Code

Ninjas are always dressed in ninja suits to hide their eminent lucent glow due to excessive eating of babies. Ninja suits are spacesuits made of a special material known as satin.

Much like how the coloured belts are used to distinguish martial artists, the spacesuits can be used to measure the killing intent of the Ninja indirectly. This is done by observing the colour of the suit as it changes colours according to the bearer’s bladder capacity.

A black suit means an urgent need for the Ninja to kill quickly while a yellow suit (why else wouldn’t it be yellow?) means that the Ninja is at ease and is unlikely to kill.

Where to find Ninjas

A Ninja-infested room.

Ninjas can be found anywhere, though seeing them is a different story.

Common areas where Ninjas are known to hang out at include:

• On the sun
• In front of you
• In a haunted cemetery/house
• In a girl’s bathroom
• Everywhere you can see
• Everywhere you cannot see
• Beside the smartest guy in class during a test

Note: It is strongly advised to never look for Ninjas unless one has a profitable health insurance with capable family members to boot.

How to raise a Ninja

A Ninja has to be raised in the Ninja way at birth. This is performed by getting down on your knees in front of the oblivious baby, patting the baby and chanting ‘You are a Ninja…’. Other variations include saying ‘You are awesome’, ‘You are invisible’ or ‘You eat babies’ (a pacifier is a necessity in this case). Be warned that you should never say ‘You kill people’ or anything along that line unless you have a spare unsuspecting scapegoat in the same room.