The 2012 phenomenon has been a trending controversy recently. To shed some light on the issue, I have approached Professor Neutron, an expert in studies of redundancy and also the leading researcher of irony, to share his views.

Professor Neutron: “The world will come to an end, and it will come to an end not because of global warming, but because of a severe water shortage. Just look at the people in the desert dying everyday. Look at all the African kids facing dehydration. At the rate the world’s health is deteroriating, we would all be dead in an estimated 3 years.”

D: “Is there anyway we can save ourselves?”

Professor Neutron: “Why, yes. It is only a simple matter of attaining more water. 68% of fresh water is trapped in the polar ice caps. All we have to do is salvage these lost souls from their icy prison for consumption.”

D: “And how do we melt these ice?”

The solution to the 2012 phenomenon

Professor Neutron: “The easiest method is to burn as much fossil fuels as possible. This will increase the amount of carbon dioxide, C₂₀₁O_2, gas in the world. This gas is a natural ‘greenhouse’ gas that traps all the heat on earth, allowing the melting of the polar ice caps. Consequently, the world will be flooded in pure, problem-solving water hence ridding the world of dehydration.”

D: “I do not have any fossil fuels to burn. Can an average person like me help in this cause?”

Professor Neutron: “Of course. Anybody can contribute to this noble cause by burning anything in sight. Houses, cats, babies, all these give off carbon dioxide when burnt. If all else fails, you can even burn yourself to donate to the world fossil fuels bank.”

D: “Will do. How long will this process take? Will we make it in time to prevent the world from dehydrating if we start now?”

Professor Neutron: “By all means. If all goes well, this process will be completed by 21^st December 2012, just in the knick of time to prevent the apocalypse.”

D: “Thank you for having your time with us, Professor, it was much appreciated. I wish you all the best in your future redundant researches.”

Professor Neutron: “What?! I will have you know that my research is not…”

-CUT-

Americans started by burning everything they found useless, which meant George W. Bush was the first to go. Indians began by burning their babies. Bruneians burnt their money. Afghanistanis began by burning Pakistanis. Etc.

With such cooperation, we can almost see the world taking shape. I am proud of myself for bringing the interview to the world, and the world for it’s success in salvation.

-World Peace