Earth as seen from outer space on 22 December 2012

21 December 2012 is going to be just like any other day, except that it is the end of the world and everyone will die.

However, this information cannot be totally trusted as shown by Director Roland Emmerich: “So what if “The Day After Tomorrow” didn’t happen, 2012 is the real deal and everybody should catch the movie. Of course, I’m not taking this opportunity to boost publicity on this movie, nor the next apocalyptic movie 2015 that I am going to direct which will premier on 22 December 2012. Tickets are on sale now by the way.”

Nonetheless, we should all still believe in the 2012 phenomenon because if we didn’t, we would be labelled as atheists and shunned by our friends who believe they will die in 3 years.

Why 21 December 2012?

• The day when the Mayan calender malfunctions
• Google says so
• YouTube says so

Proposed Survival Method

After much discussion, the UN has concluded that the only method of survival is to follow the below mentioned steps:

1. Sign a will to donate all your money/property to the USA when you die
2. Receive a gun in exchange for signing the will
3. Shoot yourself in the head

Barrack Obama said in retaliation to critics: “First of all, the USA had nothing to do with step 1 of the proposed method. It is in the interest of the world that the UN came up with this plan we’d like to call ‘Outsmarting the Apocalypse‘. The only way of surviving 21 December 2012 is by killing yourself before it happens.”

When questioned how the UN came up with such an ingenious idea, the British ambassador exclaimed: “I swear I didn’t accept Obama’s bribe money, I swear!”

Methods of Destruction

Top scientists from around the world has generally accepted that the primary method of destruction would be suicide through ‘Outsmarting the Apocalypse‘. However, some quacks have also formulated other various possible methods of destruction

• Galatic Alignment
• Timewave Zero and the I Ching
• Geomagnetic Reversal
• Planet Nibiru
• Black Hole Alignment

Despite all the reasoning behind these theories, people still believe that ‘suicide’ would be the main method of destruction because it is the only theory they understand.

Effects of 2012

Although it is but 3 years before the apocalypse, the effects of the 2012 phenomenon is already showing:

• Rise in teenage pregnancy
• Boom in prostitution & alcoholic industry
• Banks being constantly looted
• Increase in overall BMI
• Mass graves being dug beforehand
• UN being flooded with ‘I told you’ emails

Concluding statement by an emo a 2012 believer:

Life sucks… We are all going to die… Perish… Disappear… Go extinct… Sent into an eternal slumber. We deserve death. 2012, End of the World- Catch the movie now.