Modern weaponry's innocent facade

Throughout history, Man has been creatively inventing tools of murder. The ingenuity of the human mind has resulted in the creation of weapons such as swords, guns, Hitler, exam papers, atomic bombs, and recently gaining popularity, chocolates. In this day and age, it is near impossible to find a human who has not once fallen victim to the evil crutches of chocolates. It is without a doubt we can no longer avoid the threat of chocolates, but what is it that makes it so dangerous?

Dangers of chocolate

The threat of chocolate is many. For one, chocolate is known to possess the ability to infest it’s victim with the sinister poison of happiness.

This threat should not be taken lightly as happiness is known to lead to death. Thorough research conducted in a laughing gas chamber shows that a human’s prolonged exposure to happiness causes death. The test subject first cries, then falls to the ground and curls into a ball while clutching his stomach and finally the subject’s spine breaks in order to completely curl into a ball. In other words, death.

However, despite the diabolic existence of chocolates being such a serious threat to modern society, no steps have yet been taken for a worldwide disarmament of such bio-weapons.

The extent of what chocolate has already dominated.

World domination

With the growing threat of chocolate all around the world and the reluctance of the UN to take necessary actions, chocolate has been dubbed Satan, Diablo, and sometimes even Barney. Some have even gone so far to say that the production of chocolate is a conspiracy to rule the world. And what not to believe-chocolates are everywhere.

Chocolate’s involvement in 2012

It has been recently discovered that the creator of the Mayan calender had been addicted to chocolates at the time he was drawing up the calender. Hence explicably ending the world when a permanent chocolate stain blocked out the day 21st December 2012 on the Mayan Calender.

We are going to die because of the Mayan calender

Following this ground breaking discovery, established quack geologists has begun to theorise that chocolates would consequently be the resulting destruction of the world. These geologists proposed that on the 21st December 2012, Mayans would simultaneously lick off the chocolate stain on their calenders, killing millions of Mayans due to food poisoning. The resulting impact would completely destroy the food chain and hence causing the entire world to die off.

Defence against chocolates

When faced with the threat of chocolates, it is only wise to fight according to the Art of War. To kill or be killed. Therefore, to defend yourself against chocolate, you have to eat the chocolate before the chocolate eats you.

Another way would be to gather a huge pool of funding and experts to develop a spaceship in China for one year to pilot yourself out of this world until the chocolate dies down before returning to earth in order to protect yourself from chocolates. Or you can just stick to the original plan of eating chocolates.

Will we survive chocolates?

Indeed, the defence against chocolate is a magnificent one; able to delay our demise ever so slightly. However the ultimate truth is that we will never be able to survive chocolates. Chocolate is in our blood. It is mandatory to have chocolate as a form of defence against thieves in our home. Nobody can deny the existence of chocolates. But it is in the power of chocolate to deny ours. We can only pray to the chocolate God, D, to be merciful to us commoners.