A cockroach which once flew over my head. It is flying no more. Haha... Hahaha...

A very ugly creature just flew over your head while you were using your computer. In a panicked frenzy, you took a moment to envy the cockroach’s ability to fly before rushing out of your room to wash your hair. This is the wrong course of action!

Cockroaches are dense carnivorous insects. They will attack anything running away from it. It would be wise to stand your ground and not do anything reckless: do not engage the hideous black beast.

Step 1: Attempt to kill the cockroach

This should be done with extreme caution. Pick up your computer and with a gentle flick of the wrist, declare war with the cockroach by smashing the computer on the cockroach. Repeat this act professionally with every other objects on your computer desk.

This is done to make sure a cockroach never flies over your head while you are using your computer ever again.

Tips: You will fail. The cockroach will dodge the rain of electronic devices worth $1000.

(The real) Step 1:  Arresting the trespasser

The cockroach has just invaded your airspace! It is only natural for the cockroach to be sentenced to life imprisonment. [See also: Absurdity] Create a dome for the cockroach with all the broken fragments of what was once $1000. This would keep your pesky intruder caged in indefinitely. But why should you stop there? The cockroach committed the unholy sin of being within your sight. It deserves worse.

Step 2: Procuring the right weapon

There is only one weapon capable of delivering due punishment to the unwanted roach: Babies. Babies are the most efficient form of killing those pesky black insects.

Attaining your baby is easy! It is merely a simple task of climbing through the window of your neighbour’s house without being ntoiced and packing their infant into your backpack. Finally proceed home after hiding your tracks with fire.

Tip: Mental preparation and pre-reconnaissance is a plus, though it isn’t mandatory since anybody who actually follows this guide should already have the layout of their neighbour’s house in their head due to excessive video recording of acts leading to the procreation of the baby.
Extended Tip: It would be a pretty good idea to sell your video tapes on eBay for $1000 now.

Step 3: The Kill

Place the baby and the cockroach side by side in an enclosed area and let nature work it’s magic. Boredom would kick in driving the baby to attempt to squash the insect before inserting it into his mouth. It is ideal to allow the baby and the cockroach be together in the same cage for a month, although some people prefer to keep them for a year just to make certain the cockroach’s death.

Step 4: Escape plan

At this stage, it goes without saying that you are being hunted down by everybody. The baby’s parents, lawyers, firemen, cockroaches and your parents (demanding $1000) are all after you. It is 2012 all over again. And what do you do when it is the end of the world? Yes, you kill yourself. Death is always the best escape plan.