The happy kid is well on his way to O-Level.

The O-Level (Ordinary Level) is an academic qualification taken up by 16 year old Singaporeans in secondary schools with ‘ordinary’ intelligence. The qualification is the way to get a job, hence setting it’s proud owner up for a life of infamy and surreal mockery. All because of O-Levels.

What do you do in an O-Level?

Really, you can do anything as you please in an O-Level. Once you sets his mind to seek second-class employment, a whole new, adventurous world of learning is open. O-Level is a perfect venue for people who have no aspirations as it offers subjects that assists you in your future unemployment in every way possible.

When you’ve started O-Level, you will be made to attend some class in school. This might sound menacing to some, but do not fret. Lessons do not take up the entire day. They take up the entire night as well. And what more? Your friends would be enjoying the same fate too!

This set-up gives you ample time to hang out with bad company, take up smoking and at least 12 hours worth of opportunity to cut classes. Unfortunately, you are legally required to pursue education at this level, so it is a must to show up for attendance taking before you start hanging out with your nice friends with tattoos offering you white pills in the arcade.

You will also be forced to take examinations to assess your O-Level, hence the overnight studying before the examination day. But it’s not at all bad news! Most of your friends will be too busy studying to realise you are a nerd at all.

How do you apply for O-Level?

O-Level is merely a simple task of being Singaporean. If you are a Singaporean and are at the age of 16, you will automatically be allowed to take O-Level or be sent to jail. O-Level is a qualification available to everyone, not just the elite.

All you need are straight A’s and an additional requirement of getting above 100% for any one subject- a simple task indeed. More importantly, you would need a desire to learn (which you can easily fake). After you’ve managed the above mentioned tasks, then you’re well on your way to O-Level.

He has gone through O-Level. Have you?

Where are my options after undergoing O-Level?

There is only two options available for students after going through O-Level:

Secondary School

After finishing school at 16 years old, it is a standard tradition to celebrate by burning your textbooks as well as the school; a well-deserved, well-planned, farewell bid to one of the most important periods of your life.

But alas! You might have to repeat secondary school again for doing too badly for your examinations. Although a rare occurrence, it is nevertheless possible that people such as yourself would do so badly that they’ll have to retain in secondary school. You’ll get to pay another hundred dollars for your textbooks and serve a year’s detention for committing a minor act of vandalism. Fortunately, all the little kids will look up to you because you have endured O-Level.

"Kid, I have O-Level"

After Secondary School

If you managed to successfully complete O-Level before retaining in secondary school for three years, then you are all set for employment. With that piece of paper you’ll be able to impress your friends, teachers and members of the opposite sex. With O-Level, you will be able to find employment in underground places that you otherwise wouldn’t without O-Level. Bad company will then become good company when they offer you jobs in the form of prostitution and drug dealers.

So when you’re old and your grandchild asks you “Grandpa, why are you always wearing that black and white horizontally striped-T when I come all the way here to visit you in this enclosed cell with security guards watching over us at all times?”, you can proudly answer “Kid, I have O-Level.”