Apple has reportedly announced plans to distribute their latest smart phone scam, the iPhone 9Z! In an official statement by Steve Jobs, founder of Apple: “We are proud to announce that the distribution of our latest money-making iPhone 9Z would commence as of Dec 12th 2409. We would like to thank our customers for our success- this would not have been made possible without you.”

Upon receiving this information, millions, no, billions of customers have started queueing up in front of Apple stores worldwide in hopes of becoming the first people to purchase the iPhone 400 years early! Ergo, practically proving that the iPhone 9Z has the power to make people willing to wait until death!

The confusion amidst the rage has already resulted in casualties reaching up to an estimated 100,000, with 9999 reported dead and 666 reported missing! Excessive screaming of ‘OH-EMM-GEE!’ by people who want only to be known as High School Girls has even lead to the extinction of mosquitoes!

Unfortunately, the government has yet come up with a plan to put an end to such atrocities.

This is no longer an ordinary disaster, it is now a level 100 APPLE DISASTER!!!

Ordinary Apple Disaster

Level 100 APPLE DISASTER!!!

PS. Get your iPhone 9Z today!