Notification of Engagement

Jeffrey Yiu
Husband of Mrs. Underwood
123 Forced Marriage Ave

4th May 06

Ms. Underwood
123 Forced Marriage Ave

Dear (to-be) Mrs Yiu,

I understand that you may not have been expecting this letter seeing that I have only seen you once in the club and we haven’t exactly talked to each other. And I don’t even know your first name.. And you haven’t had the chance to see me yet… But I am still happy to inform you that this letter is not a proposal. In fact, this letter’s purpose is to notify you that we are already engaged.

Indeed, your near perfect body played a huge role in our engagement. I’ve already rated the bodies in the club that night. Yours was definitely the top 10. Maybe even the top 2. But don’t get me wrong, it isn’t exactly your looks that enticed me- your face pulled your ranking down to the the 104th (there were only 93 girls in the club that night so I had to include the guys in that calculation).

I fell in love with you at first sight when we were in the club. You were on the counter, flirting gleefully with the gigolo you slept with the night before when I saw you. Ah, yes. The whole shelf of Martel you gracefully purchased for the sole purpose of getting the gigolo drunk made you look painfully attractive. I mean seriously, it is painful to be attracted to someone with your looks. Oh, I checked with the gigolo and he said your father owned a hotel. That earned you plenty of attraction points.

To tell you the truth, I would have brought you out on a few dates before announcing our engagement but my current wife recently became bankrupt and I have thus run out of dating grants. Nevertheless, this should not be an obstacle to our engagement based off true love.

Once again, I want you to understand that we are already engaged. However, I would still require you to sign some legal documents at my place so that you can’t back out of this in the future. Any time tomorrow between 4pm to 4:01pm would do fine. Of course, it is entirely up to you to decide whether or not to sign those documents. It shouldn’t be too hard to decide. After all, we both do own our own mirrors.

Yours Sincerely,

Jeffrey Yiu
Future Husband of Ms. Underwood

PS: If you are wondering where your parents are, they are staying with me indefinitely, patiently waiting for you to sign the documents at my place.