The scene of the crime

Introduction

“Clifton! You have to get out here, something big is happening!” I yelled as I burst through the front door.

“Pipe down, Author,” the detective commanded in the calmest of manners. “Tell me, what is it that intrigues you so?”

“I don’t know, but there is a huge crowd gathering right outside your house-”I paused in expectancy of Clifton’s change in expression due to excitement, but it never came. “And… Big crowds have got to mean something-” Clifton didn’t budge. In eagerness to satisfy my curiosity, I dragged Clifton with me through the crowd where we arrived at the scene of the crime.

Murder

What could he be possibly trying to signal?

Lying on the floor staring straight at us was a man who looked like he was in deep pain. With his face cringed, he actively pointed at what looked like a stick protruding out of where all the blood was oozing out of his body. Everyone was puzzled at what the man was trying to signal. Everyone but Clifton.

“Make way,” Clifton demanded, “I’m a detective.”

The fan-girls fainted upon setting eyes on Clifton as he busied himself about the man. With quick wits, Clifton checked for the man’s pulse. After procuring sufficient data, the detective pulled out a knife from his pocket before systematically inserting and removing the knife at numerous areas on the man’s body, with the man all the while pointing at the stick-like object with diminishing intensity. Clifton then proceeded to check for the man’s pulse again before arming himself with an injector filled with a white liquid and injecting it into the man’s body. I watched in admiration as I observed the genius at work. It was truly an honour to be the sidekick of the town’s most prestigious detective.

“It appears that the man is dead.” Clifton proclaimed. The crowd gasped in symphony.

“And the murder weapon is in fact this knife stuck in the man’s body.” Clifton forcefully removed what I once thought was a stick from the man’s chest, revealing a knife. Another gasp rippled through the crowd.

“I would have never guessed!” A bystander commented in amazement. Indeed, Clifton never fails to amaze us with his clairvoyant abilities.

“I’m afraid we will have to do a thorough investigation,” Clifton suggested. “But for now, we must nourish ourselves with lunch. It is already noon! After all, the body will not be going anywhere.”

With that convincing argument, the crowd dispersed trampling over the fainted fan-girls adding to the total corpse count. All except for one man, Mr. Jabs, who stood petrified at the sight of his dear friend’s death.

“Please, detective Clifton, you have to find the murderer.” The poor man pleaded on his knees as he grabbed Clifton’s arms. “John was my best friend… Even though he murdered my wife just yesterday.”

Clifton gently shoved Mr Jabs aside. “Rest assured ancient citizen, the murderer will most definitely be brought to justice for detective Clifton is on the case.”

The old man spent a little more time begging Clifton before we decided that we were wasting too much time. We quickly got rid of him with the help of a little tranquillizing dart and then headed for lunch.

Clue

Clifton and I were confabulating about issues unrelated to the murdered man over lunch when we were rudely interrupted by two policemen. With a tap on Clifton’s shoulder, one of the policeman abruptly ended our conversation and started a new one of his own.

“Detective Clifton, we hear that you are going to be investigating the death of the late John Black.” The policeman affirmed.

“Your sources are reliable, constables.” Clifton answered.

A visual image of the note in the pocket of John's coat.

The policeman then reached into his pocket to pull out a note. “Well, we found this note in the pocket of John Black’s coat and we believe that it is a vital clue pertaining to the man’s murder.” He then began to expound the note:

Dear John, I regret to inform you that due to the recent plummet in crime rate, I am on the verge of being out of my job. This and the fact that I currently owe you a million dollars has put me in a rather uncomfortable financial burden. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that you will have to die in order for me to continue earning money as a detective and on a milder note, so that I will not be in a million-dollar debt. With that said, I am writing to invite you to a party at the dark alley beside my house where nobody can see you as you are being murdered. I hope to see you there!

Clifton then took a few seconds to digest the information before coming up with a meaningful hypothesis.

“From the note, we can safely draw three key points.” Clifton explained: “One, the murderer is in a pathetic financial state. Two, the murderer lied when he said it was a party. And three, the police is doing a good job in keeping the crime rate under control.”

The policemen stood jaw wide-open in awe at Clifton’s immaculate hypothesis. Being Clifton’s proud sidekick, I then tried to add in a few words of my own, “Hey, you missed something. At the bottom of the note, it reads ‘With kind regards, Clifton‘. Does that mean anything?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

Fortunately, the policeman cut into our awkward dialogue by adding a comment of his own. “Very well, detective. We trust that the case is safe in your hands.”

“Also, to help you in your investigation, we have brought in a prime suspect for questioning.” The other policeman said as he dragged a person with his upper-body wrapped in a plastic bag. “We suspect his involvement in the murder of John Black on account of his possession of weapons similar to that of the murder weapon.”

“We found him hiding such weapons in his kitchen’s cabinet.” The policeman added. “We hope that he would be of use to you.” With that, the two policeman took off as swiftly as they came in.

“That was sudden.” I proclaimed. “What do we do with this person?” I then questioned as I pointed at the person struggling to remove the plastic bag that was restraining his movements.

“First, we remove the bag.” Clifton suggested. And that we did, but what we uncovered beneath the plastic mess would change our lives forever.

Suspect

As we unbagged the parcel left to us by the police, the shape of the creature became progressively distinct until we can fully make out it’s bodily features. Then we uncovered the strangest, most peculiarly obnoxious creature wrapped in the piece of plastic- it was a human! And not just any human. It was a human man!

“Oh my god! It is a man!” I shrieked in shock.

Clifton, in his usual composed state, unhurriedly approached the man. “Have you the faintest idea why you are here?” Clifton inquired.

The ol' back street. The place where all good happens.

“I dunno…” The anonymous man appeared dazed. “I was helpin’ me self to some of em’ hospital alcohol in the ol’ back street when those damn coppers showed up. Boy were they cranky. The coppers were nabbing all of em’ alcohol provider when the alcohol kicked in. Next thin’ I knew, it was all black and I couldn’t move any o’ me arms.”

“Ah, clinical alcohol… Good stuff, I hear.” Clifton claimed.

“Aiyee.” The man confirmed. “I still have some of em’ here up for some sharin’ if you wanna. Hell, I’d throw in some of em’ pills, too.”

“Let’s see what you’ve got.” Clifton agreed. That simple yet elegant sentence then sparked a day-long party centred about alcohol and drugs.

After hours of sobering up, Clifton decided it was time to begin politely questioning our party buddy. *Ahem* Clifton cleared his throat in order to grab our attention before making eye contact with the suspect we attained from the policemen. “Did you kill John Black?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

It was then when the still-unnamed man took notice of the note that the policemen left us. ” ‘With kind regards, Clifton‘, eh?” The man raised an eyebrow.

At that moment, the same two policemen barged into our conversation once again. “Detective, we have a problem. The body is missing.”

“Null that. We just received an update. Old man Gobbert has the body. Apparently he is trying to get rid of it.” The other policeman affirmed.

“We have to stop him. Come, Author.” Clifton directed. He then took a glance at the unfortunately still unnamed man before once again speaking. “This man has severe neuropsychiatric and mental instability, it is advisable to put him in a position where professional aid is easily accessible.”

“…What?”

“Get him to the Mental Hospital. Take him away, boys.” Clifton mandated.

The human man, still high on drugs, was then dragged away by the two policemen. “Hahaha! You’ll neva’ get away wit’ this, you murderer. Neva’, I say. Neva! Haha! HAHAHAHA!”

…

“It was rather regrettable we never got to know the name of such a good hippie with drugs, but it is all part and parcel of the life of a private eye, isn’t it, Clifton?” I stated.

Clifton dodged my meaningless question, “Moving on… We have to find out what in the world Mr Gobbert is doing with the corpse.”

Doughnuts

As we drove around the town randomly in hopes of finding the dead body, we wound up at the old man’s house where we saw Gobbert digging a huge hole at his backyard.

“Wow, that hole looks like it is big enough to fit a man.” I commented. “Just big enough to fit in that corpse behind him.”

“A very deductive statement you hypothesised.” Clifton praised. “The only thing you missed is that that corpse behind him is the body of the late John. But one has to question- why is Mr Gobbert, the man who has hated John since his childhood, be bent on getting rid of the body? Could he be the murderer?”

Once again, Clifton’s brilliant questions got me thinking, but I couldn’t take the weight of such a heavy question. My body started heating up and I began to perspire profusely. My head was starting to crack. Every muscle in my body was twitching as if to tell me to get out of this uncomfortable position. I was starting to break down. “Boy, doughnuts would sure come in handy in times like this.” I murmured to myself.

Clifton has solved the mystery!

“Doughnuts! That’s it, Author! Doughnuts!” Clifton yelled in excitement, as if he has managed to solve the case. “Get the doughnuts and meet me at the Mental Hospital at 1000 hours. Remember to get the doughnuts. It is very important that you do. Now, step on it!”

As confused as I was, Clifton’s stirring speech ignited a burning passion within me and I was ready to do my part in solving the case. With as much strength as I could muster, I slammed my right foot onto the pedal. “OUCH!” I screamed. Alas, I was in the passenger’s seat and I had unintentionally stepped on my left foot instead.

Clifton stared at me with a puzzled expression. “What are you doing? You don’t have time to waste with self-inflicted injuries. Get out of the car. You’re making your way there by foot.”

And thus began my journey to solve the mystery of the murder of John Black.

Indie Investigation

Making my way halfway across town towards the doughnut shop, I kept myself occupied by asking myself three questions that I could find no answer to- Why does Clifton need the doughnut? How is the doughnut related to solving the case? Is Mr Gobbert the murderer?

When I finally arrived at the doughnut shop at approximately 0800 hours, I realised that I didn’t know which flavour of doughnut Clifton needed. With quick wits, I decided that I’d buy one of everything available in the shop.

“Wow, I haven’t had anyone buy so many doughnuts since Mr Jabs. What’s the occasion?” The shopkeeper commented.

“Nah, it’s nothing… Just a little crime solving.” I boasted. “What was it about Mr Jabs you were saying again?” I asked casually.

The shopkeeper giggled before answering my question, “Mr Jabs frequents this store very often and orders the doughnuts in huge bulks all the time too. The amount of work I have to put in to get the all the doughnuts ready is humongous, almost murderous”

‘Murderous, huh…’ I thought to myself. ‘Jabs. Murderous. Doughnuts.’ It was all starting to make sense to me.

I have solved the mystery!!!

“That’s it! Mr Jabs is the murderer of John Black!” I bellowed. “I have to report this to Clifton immediately!”

I told the shopkeeper to put it on the tabs before rushing out of the store to catch the first taxi I saw.

The doughnuts, the Jabs, the murder, everything seemed to fall into place so nicely. So that was why Clifton wanted me to get the doughnuts, to set the stage for me to solve the case. However, in spite of the euphoria of solving the case all by myself, I know that my part to play wasn’t over yet. I may have solved the case, but I have yet to convey my realisation to Clifton.

Clifton Finally Closes the Case

When I arrived at the Mental Hospital, I saw that the everyone has already been gathered at the lounge awaiting my arrival. Mr Jabs, Gobbert, the unnamed man (now clothed in a straight jacket) and the usual two conversation-cutting policemen were all seated in a circle, leaving an empty seat in middle for me.

“Take a seat, Author.” Clifton gestured, “Now, I suppose we all know why we’re all gathered here today.” Everyone in attendance nodded their heads slightly in reaction to Clifton’s statement.

Clifton continued, “As we all know, the murder of John Black is still largely a mystery thus far. Let us present all the clues available to us: John was killed at approximately 0400 hours on Wednesday morning. The murder weapon was without a doubt a 26cm knife, and was delivered with a stab to the centre of the chest. However, the autopsy on John’s body also concludes that there was a potentially fatal amount of Potassium Cyanide in John’s body which would have otherwise killed him had he still been alive after being stabbed in the chest. Compiling all these clues, I have drawn that the murderer oh John Black is amongst us. And the murderer is…”

I shot a cold glance at the direction of Mr Jabs before standing up and shouting, “Mr Jabs!”

Clifton looked puzzled. “No he’s not. You are the murderer.”

“B-but, the doughnuts, and the Jabs, and the murder. He has got to be the murderer!” I argued. “Wait, what? I’m the murderer?”

“Oh, the doughnuts are for me. I have yet to thank you for that. Thank you.” Clifton shoved a piece of paper into my hands discreetly and placed a microphone in front of me. “Anyway, you have to stick to the script!”

As I held out the piece of paper on one hand, I began to read into the microphone from the piece of paper, “Indeed, it is I, Author, who have murdered John in the early morning of Wednesday. I was in a pathetic financial state and decided to lie about having a party in order to kill John. Also, the police is doing a good job in keeping crime under control.”

Everyone was dumbstruck. Clifton then prevaricated in awe, “He hit all three of the key points I drew up from the murder note. Why, I never.”

Dumb detective.

Clifton winked at me. I went on reading the rest of the writing on the piece of paper. “Yes, and I would’ve gotten away with it too, if not for you meddling kids, and that dumb detective.” The two policemen then began to home in on me with handcuffs.

“With that murder confession in place, I declare this case closed.” Clifton pronounced. “Goodbye, Author.”

Thus closed the chapter of the mysterious murder of John Black.

-THE END-