The murder rate has been soaring recently due to the movie Eclipse. Why is this so? One reporter investigates.

Reporter: Hello

Bella: Hiiii~

Reporter: I’m a reporter from Mediacorp. May I interview you?

Bella: Am I, like, going to be famous? Oh-Emm-Geee! (runs towards camera and waves frantically) Hii mommy, hi daddy, hi Eddy~ I’m on Tee-Veee. Hello~

Reporter: Miss… Miss! (desperately tries to get the woman’s attention)

Bella: Mommy! I’m, like, on teevee! I told you I’m not a loser! And you said, like, watching Eclipse will get me nowhere.

Bella: (looks at reporter) I showed her, didn’t I?

Reporter: Yes, yes…you sure did. Let’s move on… What do you like about the movie Eclipse?

Bella: I like Edward.

Reporter: (awkward silence)

Bella: …

Reporter: So what do you like about Edward?

Bella: I like Edward because he is, like, white…so white. And he is a vampire. And he sparkles. And he is so cool. I’ll never, like, fall for a living man, like, ever again.

Reporter: Oka-

Bella: But I like Eddy too.

Reporter: Eddy?

Bella: Eddy. My boyfriend. Like, duh.

Reporter: Where is he?

Bella: He’s dead.

Reporter: Ahem. What about Jacob Black? They say he’s Edward’s hottest rival.

Bella: (grabs a dog and strangles it) Jacob, like, seriously? Like, ugh. You know, I might, like, like dead people and all, but I won’t like a dog. Eww…

Reporter: (frantically tries to get the dog away from her) Okay miss. Miss? Can you please let go of doggy over there? He’s innocent.

Bella: Wow, you almost look like Edward when you’re nervous like that.

Reporter: I beg your pardon?

Bella: I mean, you’re starting to turn all white. If only you were, like, not living, like Edward… But don’t worry, I’ll fix that…like how I fixed Eddy.

Reporter: I’m afraid that’s all the time we have. This concludes today’s interview. Thank you, Miss Bel – OH MY GOD! What’s that?!

Reporter: Be careful with that thing! You might kill somebo-

Reporter: SECURITY!